We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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