he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
