I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
