After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
