Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
