Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
