Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
