are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
