Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
