i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
