piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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