so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
