how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
