She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
