I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
