Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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