She went from zero to smokin in five shots
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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