I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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