So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
