ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
We named our party play list daddy issues
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
