Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
