Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
