Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
