dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Randomize
