youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
