I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
