Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
