I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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