i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
