i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Actions speak louder than pants.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
