Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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