My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
