What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
i've created a new STD.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
