Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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