Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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