I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
two words: eviction party
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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