The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
