Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
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