Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
