i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
