I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
