um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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