none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
