We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
