I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
