There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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