they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
