Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
