y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
