So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
