if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
